The Story of Our Lives: A Dramatic Play
Book and Lyrics by Justin Gray
In
the still of the night, a lone figure sneaks into HAZULI’S 7-11..
HAZULI: W-W-who’s there?
SAM:
(meanacing, still shrouded in darkness) I need a..
HAZULI:
You need a what? What do you need? Tell me....money? Yes, that’s it, you
want money...no? Umm....what? Don’t leave me guessing here!
SAM:
I want a.....nice..
HAZULI:
Yes...
SAM:
Cold...
HAZULI:
Uh-huh..
SAM:
Slurpee!
HAZULI:
Ahhhh! A nice cold slurpee!! Have you no mercy? Why?? Anything but that!!
Oh. OH! (laughing) A nice cold SLURPEE!! Hah! Of course..of course!
SAM:
After the day I’ve had today I need a cold refreshing drink!
HAZULI:
Yes, don’t we all, after a tough day I even need a slurpee.
SONG
# 1: Slurpee
HAZULI: It was long ago...when I crossed the sea to the land I love, The land of
the
Slurpee (Land of slurpee!) I thought I had nothing to live for...mostly I was
right..advoiding customs officers day and night. But then I found the answer to
all my
troubles, and it wasn’t in yellow alchoholic beverages with bubbles...It was
found in..
Slurpees! (OH what fun!) Slurpees! (they’re number 1) Nothing is better more
frozen
more wetter and with a smaller fee...than a slurpee! (spoken) Come on now...umm..what’s
your name?
SAM:
Oh. I’m Sam. And you?
HAZULI:
Just call me Hazuli. Now sing the song!
SAM:
My life really stinks...I have no where to go how did I sink to become so
low...but
now there’s a light at the end of the tunnel..and with my slurpee I can lay
down and
cuddle.. ‘cause it’s a..
Slurpee! ( oh what fun!) Slurpee! (It’s number 1) Nothing is better more
frozen more
wetter and with a smaller fee...than a slurpee!
HAZULI:
Now you’ve got it my friend!! Now one more time TOGETHER!!
BOTH:
Slurpee (oh what fun) Slurpee (It’s number 1)
HAZULI:
Nothing is better..
SAM:
More frozen..
HAZULI:
More wetter..
SAM:
And with a smaller fee..
HAZULI:
Than a..
BOTH: SLURPEE!!
END
SONG
LISA walks into store, drops her bags and faints.
SAM:
(running over to LISA) Oh MY! GOSH!! This woman just fainted!
HAZULI:
Oh DEAR! Not in my store!! Not now!! Oh DEAR!
SAM:
Quick Halulu! Get me some ice for her head!
HAZULI:
My name is Hazuli! (sounding it out) Ha-zu-li. Hazuli.
SAM:
Whatever, Hazel! Get me some ice!!
HAZULI:
Hazuli!
SAM:
ICE! NOW!
HAZULI:
okay, okay.. SHEESH! What is wrong with people today? No respect!
SONG
# 2: People
HAZULI: People...what’s the matter with them? People....what’s always
bothering them?
All day and all night in a bad mood...wouldn't it be weird if one day their
mood were
good? They would walk into my store and say how do you do sir. They would always
be
polite and everything would be all right. But I guess that will never happen,
but I’ll keep
my fingers crossed and my feet a-tappin’ because it would suffice if one day
people were
just nice!
(HAZULI
does a little dance during musical interlude.)
HAZULI: Because it would suffice..If one day people were just...nice!
END SONG
SAM
stares at HAZULI in total disbelief as LISA wakes up.
SAM:
Houdini! Quick the ice! She’s starting to wake up!
HAZULI:
My name is Hazuli! Here’s the ice!
SAM
places ice on LISA’S forehead.
LISA:
(groggily) Huh? What are you doing here George? I thought you were supposed to
be in jail!! Quick police!! HELP!
HAZULI:
Oh my god!! They’ve found me! I’m so sorry! PLEASE!! I don’t want to go
back to...
SAM:
Hamlet! BE QUIET! She’s just having hallucinations!
HAZULI:
OH! ha! That’s good!
LISA:
Hey! What’s going on?
SAM:
You fainted as you walked into the store.
HAZULI:
Yes. and then you screamed! You were like (high pitched) Help me!! Help
me!!! George is that you??!! Oh NO!!!
SAM:
Handel! Be quiet!
HAZULI:
My name is Hazuli!
LISA:
Oh man! I’ve had a really tough day! This didn’t help either!
HAZULI:
A really tough day? You know what she needs Sam? (They are now in mutual
frames of mind)
Slurpee-reprise
HAZULI&SAM: You need a...slurpee! (oh what fun!) Slurpee! (It’s number 1)
Nothing is
better more frozen more wetter and with a smaller fee...than a slurpee!
LISA:
I am getting out of here now!
SAM:
No!! wait!! I said the same thing too. But then I sang the song and it changed
my
life. No more wistless hours spent just watching television without a cause, no
more time
wasted away on the never-ending information source that is the internet. I now
have a
purpose...a pupose to wake up each morning and go to be every night.
A.....reason to not
go out after work, get drunk with some of my buds and go “surfing” on saran
wrap
covered with hotdog relish. I now have a place in the world...a place for..
LISA:
Okay!! I’ll sing the song with you!
ALL:
We need a....slurpee! ( Oh what fun) Slurpee! (It’s number 1) Nothing is
better
more frozen more wetter and with a smaller fee than a slurpee!!
_______________________End of PART I____________________________________
LISA: Well that was strange!
SAM:
Yes, but strangely invigorating!
HAZULI:
What are you talking about!
SAM:
Oh nothing, Jalepeno!
HAZULI:
MY NAME IS.....HARULI!! I mean HAZULI! Sheesh! Now you’ve even got
me screwing up my name!
LISA:
I better leave now!
SAM:
No..stay..what’s your name?
LISA:
Lisa!
SAM:
Lisa...that’s a nice name.
LISA:
Well..thank you...
SAM:
Sam...ughhh!!
LISA:
What’s wrong Sam?
HAZULI:
Oh no!! you are not going to die here!! Go die outside or something where I
don’t need to clean up!
SAM:
Oh god!! Ahhhhggghhh! Hazuli..aghh! Can I talk to you...GACK! privately?
HAZULI:
Sure! Why not come over here!
SAM:
(whispering) I have to go to the bathroom! where is it?
HAZULI:
We don’t have a bathroom..
SAM:
Really, then were do you go?
HAZULI:
umm.....let’s keep this PG, buddy!
SAM:
Fine, but I need to go!
HAZULI:
Sorry, we don’t have one!
SAM:
How can you not have a bathroom in a convenience store? It is supposed to be
convenient, hence the name convenience store!
Song
# 3: No bathroom here!
SAM: Where am I supposed to go? There is no where to go! I am stuck with this
muck all
held up inside of me. I want to go to the bathroom so bad...but Oh DEAR!!
There’s no
bathroom here! How can I hold this in? Not having a bathroom is a sin. The favor
I ask is
so mere...but there is no bathroom here! All I want is privacy for only a moment
or so...all
I ask is time so I can go-you know...But now with all this pain I shall shed a
tear...but
there still is no bathroom here.
(SAM does a little “constipation” dance for the pleasure of the audience.)
END SONG
HAZULI: Okay!! I can’t hold the secret any longer!!
SAM:
What secret?
HAZULI:
Well...When I came to work here at 7-11, I had to say a solemn oath. The oath
was such that if I say it in public our very lives could be in danger!
SAM:
I DON'T CARE!! TELL ME THE OATH!!
HAZULI:
It was an oath I promised not to tell...
LISA:
(grabbing HAZULI with surprising force) Tell him the oath NOW you foolish
clerk!!
HAZULI:
(crying) Okay...Okay! You don’t need to hurt me so. I can not take this kind
of
emotional damage during this stage of my life!!
LISA:
(still holding HAZULI) Okay...now the oath!
HAZULI:
Fine...I solemnly swear to uphold the code and conduct that elevates 7-11
above all other convinience stores. The following I must follow: No person must
ever be
told that slurpees are actually a rip-off of Slush Puppies-same product
different name. No
person must ever be told that 7-11’s are actually alien motherships observing
human
behaviors and interactions between those of Indian or Pakistani decent. And
finally and
most importantly, no one must ever be told of the staff bathroom which is
located in the
stock room under the Marlboros, to the left of the Willy Wonka’s Everlasting
Gobstoppers and above the Lay’s Baked KC Masterpiece Bar-B-Q Potato Chips. If
any
one finds out about this oath being told in public serious consequences will
follow...
LISA:
And that’s the end...?
SAM:
(Running to the bathroom) That’s it...I have to go!!
LISA:
(sitting with HAZULI eating a 7-11 sandwich) So...all that stuff about serious
consequences...are they true?
SAM:
(from bathroom) OOOOHHHH!! YESS!!!
HAZULI:
Yes. As I said before, our very lives could be in danger!
LISA:
How would anyone know? Besides, I won’t tell any one, and I’m sure Sam
won’t
either.
SAM:
AAAHHHHH!! OOOOOHHHH!!
LOUD
VOICE: Okay!! Hazuli we know you are in there...come out now or we will come
in!!!
HAZULI:
Oh no!! They have finally found me...
LISA: What are we going to do?
HAZULI:
I have a lock down just in case this happened, there is no way they will able to
break in.
LISA:
Okay do it!!
HAZULI:
Okay, hold on the lock down switch is right under the register...OKAY!! Here
it is..
COMPUTER
VOICE: LOCK DOWN PROCEDURE INITIALIZED.....
(Loud mechanical sounds are made and then all is silent.)
LISA:
So are we locked in now....are we safe?
HAZULI:
It seems like it...but who knows what will happen.
LISA:
Well...this story has taken a slight sci-fi twist!! Kind of exciting...kind
of...fun..very...attractive in a man...( she starts to get close to HAZULI)
HAZULI:
(uncomfortable) Ummm...miss...are you all right??
LISA:
I am just fine...HAZ.....you know you are so attractive..
Song
# 4: Attracted to you.
LISA: (slowly and seductively) You know I never thought an man such as you would
appeal to to a lady such as me....But you see...If my heart is true..then Hazuli....I
am
attracted to you....From now on a day will never go by when I don’t think of
your smile
and when I go home tonight ( If I do) I will think about you every mile...You
are so
awkward, you can’t even tie your shoe...but Hazuli...I think I’m attracted
to you...
HAZULI:
Lady, please lady you are scaring me much....I don’t think we can have a
relationship as such....you are pretty, I am not.... your nose is clean, mine's
full of
snot...Your hair is clean, mine is all greasy....getting a woman shouldn’t be
this easy..so
lady...lay off.....to-da---
(LISA
kisses HAZULI right on the lips. At first HAZULI tries to pull away but soon
begins
to like it and gives in.)
END
SONG
HAZULI: (Still flabberghasted) Wow! That was so great!
LISA:
You weren’t too bad yourself....stud. Not too bad being stuck during the lock
down....I wonder why Sam is still in the bathroom?
HAZULI:
Oh no.
LISA:
What?
HAZULI:
I made a little error..
LISA:
WHAT??!! What is it??
HAZULI:
I forgot that the lock down only closed the main shop that means that Sam
could be in danger...
LISA:
Well....hopefully he stays in the bathroom and they won’t notice him.
HAZULI:
That’s where the other problem comes in...the other day I put one way mirrors
on the bathroom, because I am turning it into an office...but I made a mistake
and put the
mirrors on the wrong way, so instead of looking out from the inside...You can be
outside
and look in...
LISA:
Oh no! What are we going to do?
HAZULI:
There is only one thing left to do. (HAZULI grabs LISA and they kiss)
Scene then shifts attention to SAM who is in the bathroom unaware that there are
men
watching him. He soon realizes what is happening when he starts to hear the men
laughing.
LOUD
VOICE: Hey! What are you doing in there?? Ha ha!! How’s the paper?? HA HA!!
Need any help...
SAM:
HELP!! AHHHHHH!!!!
___________________________END OF PART II______________________________
Song
# 5: A wrap up.
LARGE MAN: Sometime life doesn’t go as expected...sometimes your life ends up
in
ruins...in shambles...in heartbreak...but heed the words I say...for they may
save the
day...always make sure you have a slurpee after a tough day because slurpees
(they’re so
fun) slurpees (they’re number 1) Nothing is better more frozen more wetter and
with a
smaller fee than a slurpee! And remember that people are not all the same, but
should
always remain humane. Because it would suffice if one day people were just nice.
And
remember to adhere to the rule that there may be no bathroom here...
(Spoken) So you see folks...sometimes it is just better to have a customer
bathroom. Also
be sure that all 7-11’s that you shop in have an emergency lock down. If you
learned
anything from this story, It should be that life is not a thing to throw away
and that
sometimes...the most unlikely couples make the best. And that slurpees are good
and help
you after a tough day. As for the 7-11s being alien motherships made to observe
interactions between people of Indian and Pakistani decent...maybe
some
questions are better left unanswered....or are they?
THE
END....OR IS IT???don’t you hate that? It’s like oh my...I wonder what’s
going to happen, and then they don’t make a sequel and you’re left hanging
for the rest of your life trying to make up little scenarios, but you never know
exactly WHAT will happen....Sorry....that just ticks me off a little bit...